


All Endings Are Really Beginnings In Disguise

by astrapoetica



Series: Steve Rogers Keeps His Socks On When He's Making Whoopie [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 14:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrapoetica/pseuds/astrapoetica
Summary: Natasha struggles to keep things together as the UN explodes and Bucky Barnes returns from the dead. When all is said and done, she might get more from this Civil War business than she bargained for. A Very Romanogers Civil War Part II: From Natasha's POV. Part 3 of the "Steve Rogers Wears Socks When He's Making Whoopie" series.





	

Rogers has an actual dark side. How is that even possible?

Natasha is sitting in a conference room in Berlin, trying to figure out just when everything started to slide sideways and if there's anything she could have done to prevent it. Her ears still feel like they're ringing from the explosion at the UN in Vienna. She remembers the instant the bomb went off as being utterly silent, a great sucking void of nothingness. And then an ear shattering burst of sound. Then deafness, ears plugged like she spent too long in a swimming pool, and ashes falling over her body like snow. The impact had thrown her sideways, shoving her under the desk she had been sitting behind. For a moment she can't feel her body and wonders if she's been hit.

She slowly moves her body, checking herself over for injuries. Her neck is stiff and twisted, but seems intact. Her waist and left hip feel tender and hurt to press against. From long experience she knows that there's a bruise developing underneath her clothes, one that will probably turn red, purple, green, and a multitude of other colors before going away. The man she wrapped her arms around and shoved under the desk when the bomb went off is blinking at her in confusion. He's covered in thick, smoky soot and dirt. She tries to give him a reassuring smile before climbing unsteadily to her feet. Ashes and bits of papers are falling all around and dust hangs in the air like smoke. She coughs on the dust, trying to expel the falling debris from her lungs. 

That's when she sees T'Challa, cradling his dead father in his arms. She watches as he cries for what he's lost, as he calls his father's name over and over again. He rocks his father in his arms like a child, just as his father probably rocked him to sleep when he was an infant. Later on Natasha will blame her tears on the dust. Barely minutes ago King T'Chaka had said that he was sad that Captain Rogers couldn't join them, and Natasha had agreed whole-heartedly with him. Now she can't help but wonder if Steve had been there, complete with his super human hearing and reaction time, if this bomb would have gone off at all. Or maybe he would have saved T'Chaka, pushed him out of the way just in time and shielded him. Or maybe Steve would be the one lying dead there now instead. It's impossible to know.

She wonders if he'll regret not being there in the first place.

There's a rush of sound returning as her ears pop and then the world is nothing but sirens and EMTs surrounding her, the Prince-who-is-now-King, and the surviving members of the assembled delegation. They take them outside and eventually Natasha is able to break away. She finds an investigative team of CIA agents who show her the picture of Barnes once she identifies herself. Her heart sinks and she feels like the ground is suddenly unsteady beneath her feet. She thanks the EMT and goes to find T'Challa.

He twists his father's ring between his fingers as they talk. She tries to convince him to stay out of it, to let the task force bring Barnes in. Even as the words leave her mouth, she knows that this struggle is futile. He is never going to listen to her. 

He walks away and her phone rings.

"Are you alright?" Steve's voice is calm, collected. But there's a dangerous undercurrent to it that she's rarely heard before. Still, just hearing from him allows her to take in a deeper breath, try to come back to herself. She feels unbalanced and off-kilter. Being in a massive explosion and watching people die in front of you will do that to you.

"Uh, yeah thanks. I got lucky," she tells him. 

In the background of the phone call with Steve she hears sirens and she realizes with a start that Steve is here in Vienna. She looks around herself wildly, hoping to spot him in one of his ridiculous "civilian" outfits. Just seeing him in those stupid sunglasses and ball cap would be like having a small slice of heaven, but she can't catch sight of him. She wants so badly to tell him about her previous relationship with the Winter Soldier, wants to say she understands how Steve feels. So that when she asks him not to go after him, he'll actually listen to her.

She settles on, "I know how much Barnes means to you. I really do. Stay home, you'll only make this worse. For all of us. Please."

She hopes by saying "all of us" that she'll appeal to his altruistic nature, his need to do things for the good of the group. Like leave her and end their pseudo-relationship with no warning whatsoever. He shoots back with, "Are you saying you'll arrest me?"  
  
It's like a slap in the face. "No," she replies, shaking her head and closing her eyes, feeling tears uncharacteristically spring to her eyes. Just when did she get so sentimental anyway? It's probably just the stress getting to her. But she has to make him understand how serious this. "Someone will. If you interfere. That's how it works now." Each word is dragged out of her, short crisp sentences she wishes she never had to say.

She hears him sigh on the other end. She wishes that she could be there with him now, wrap her arms around him and tell him everything will be okay. Never before has she truly felt the need to lie to someone to protect them. But if he goes after Barnes, if he tries to help him... Not even Captain America is safe from being court-martialed and imprisoned under these new Accords.  

"If he's this far gone Nat, I should be the one to bring him in."

She can hear a tone of finality in his voice, and she looks around herself again, trying to spot him in the crowd. She needs to say something to keep him on the phone, keep him talking until she can find him. All that comes to her mind however is a one word question: "Why?"  
  
"Because I'm the one least likely to die trying."

Even though she knew her efforts would be fruitless, she still feels her heart constrict in pain and worry as he hangs up.

_Shit._

Her next call is to Tony Stark. The one man with enough pull to potentially drag Steve's ass out of the fire when Secretary Ross's task force teams comes up against the immovable force of one very pissed-off Steve Rogers.

"Hey Tony," she starts with, "I'm going to need a favor." She closes her eyes. "Correction. Steve is going to need a favor."

~

Rogers and Barnes take out pretty much the entire task force sent after them in Bucharest. That isn 't surprising. What is surprising is just how incredible T'Challa is. Natasha watches the footage from a conference room in Berlin, after it's all over. Who would have imagined that these types of skills lay beneath his elegant and cultured demeanor? Just what kind of powers is he harboring anyway? To outfight Barnes like that... chase him down a freeway full of cars, put that kind of fear in his eyes... Natasha hopes she never has to face him in the field.

She meets Steve on the bridge along with Sam and T'Challa. The three of them are being escorted by Everett Ross who talks rapid fire as they walk. He's a tiny prick of a man with an ego the size of the Titanic. She's so relieved to see Steve alive and well. She longs to wrap her arms around him, but settles for letting an honest smile play across her face. She figures he'll get the message. 

"For the record this is what making things worse looks like."

"He's alive."

She sticks close to Stark after Steve and Sam are safely ensconced in the conference room, making sure that a deal is brokered to guarantee at least their freedom. Barnes might be a lost cause.   
  
"I'm going to try another run at him," Stark tells her, sauntering off to the conference room. He's full of false confidence, sure that a logical approach will win Steve over. But Steve has never been a logical man, which is where Stark's critical error lies. Natasha watches through the glass walls as they talk. She knows that Stark is going to fail. Knows that set to Steve's shoulder, that glint in his eyes, that set to his mouth. He's not changing his mind.

She goes to watch the cameras then, staring at the Winter Soldier. Or as Steve calls him, Bucky Barnes. 

This man is definitely different than the man she once knew as a young woman in Russia. His expressions are softer, his face more open and expressive. And yet he's also so familiar. And so achingly, insanely handsome. He and Steve must have made quite the duo back in the day.

Stark rejoins her in the outer room as the interview with Bucky begins. Steve and Sam stay in the conference room where they were put by Ross. Natasha tries to hide the eye roll she makes when Sharon Carter walks in and hands them the receipts for their outfits and gear. Tony has put his sunglasses on, probably to hide the sadness in his eyes at his inability to sway Steve. Natasha hopes that Steve knows just how lucky he is that Stark bothered to come here at all. Not everyone would put themselves on the line like that. Especially not when facing down a dick head like Everett Ross and the Secretary of State.

Natasha turns her head, giving a sidelong glance at Steve, gauging his expression as the interview with Barnes continues. It seems like everyone in the room is holding their breath, hanging onto every word between Barnes and his interviewer. Even through the glass, she feels like she knows that face too. Steve looks at Bucky as if he's his whole world, as if he would do anything for him. Once upon a time, she imagines he looked at her like that too.

As the interview goes on, Natasha begins to wonder if it's truly possible that Barnes did this. The man on the screen seems angry, his mouth set in a hard line. But his voice is rough and raw around the edges. That voice gives him away. He didn't do this. But if he didn't, then who did? And why did they frame Barnes? What could they possibly stand to gain from this?

Natasha looks at Steve again, but he's talking to Sharon and Sam now and his back is to her. 

She turns away just as a loud electrical crackling rings out and everything goes briefly dark before flashing red lights go off and the emergency lights come on. Sam and Steve run out, shortly followed by T'Challa.

"What the hell is this?"

Natasha wonders if Bucky is asking the same thing she is.

She knows instinctively that someone must be here to use Barnes. They used this set up to get him here, so they must have inside information on who he is and how to manipulate him. There was definitely something wrong with that interviewer. It's tugging at her brain now, a puzzle coming undone.

The power center won't come on, but Stark hacks in long enough to get a fuzzy picture of Barnes beating the ever-loving hell out of Rogers. They rush towards the danger, her demanding to know if Stark brought a suit with him.

Naturally he's unarmed. 

So they fight the Winter Soldier. All of them together. But he still gets away in the end, dragging Steve down with him.

Afterwards Stark fights with Ross, insisting that they should be the ones to bring Rogers in. He asks for 72 hours and Ross gives them 36.

"Are you alright?" Natasha asks afterwards.

"Always," Stark shoots back. 

She wishes she could believe him.

She isn't even sure what they're going to do with Steve even if they do find him. Maybe if they give Ross Barnes he'll be satisfied enough that he'll let Steve go.

Stark mentions Bruce and she's surprised that her heart doesn't even skip a beat at the mention of his name.

She recruits T'Challa mostly based on his bad assery when facing down Barnes before. Stark leaves to recruit someone who's name he won't even say out loud. That's when Natasha starts doing the math and figures out they're utterly screwed. There's no way they're going to win against the type of team that Steve will probably have. And maybe they shouldn't.

At that moment, she starts formulating her own plan. She tells T'Challa she'll help him find Barnes. She doesn't say she'll help him catch him. The semantics somehow make a difference to her as she starts plotting her betrayal of Stark's cause.

~

Which brings her to the present, sitting in a conference room and waiting for Stark to get back from wherever he went to recruit god-knows-who. Sipping on coffee and trying to ignore the roiling in her stomach and all of the unanswered questions that are swirling around inside of her brain. It's obvious that Barnes and Rogers are going to need an airport, so that's the most likely place for their final showdown. Stark won't come back directly to Berlin. Instead she'll be directed to a flight somewhere soon and her and T'Challa will meet up with him and this mysterious new team member before the battle.

And the Vision. They just got the call that Wanda has also defected, apparently aided and abetted by Clint Barton. Wanda used her powers to bury the Vision under several tons of rock and then she just walked away. Which means that she has the power to be a very dangerous enemy in the future, especially if her and Clint are going to side with Rogers and his team of renegades. Hopefully Clint knows what he's doing. He's always had a bit of a soft spot for hard luck cases as Natasha knows from personal experience. Natasha definitely doesn't want to fight him or Wanda either. She definitely doesn't want to fight Rogers. But it looks like the die has been cast and now fate is giving them no choice.  
  
She sighs. What a mess. It's a bit odd to think that once upon a time, Rogers and Barnes would have marched into Berlin as liberators. And now they're criminals on the run from the law and suspected of international espionage and terrorism.

It's a shock, seeing Barnes again after all these years. It's a shock even to know that he has a real name. When she was a young woman in Russia he had no name. He was just the Winter Soldier. 

Back then she was a ballerina dancing for the Bolshoi Theatre. Or at least that's what her cover was. Her true occupation was working for the Red Room, a descendant of an old KGB program. As she traveled throughout Europe with her ballet troop she specialized in gathering intelligence, assassinating enemies, and leaving no trace behind her of her clandestine activities. The first time she met the Winter Soldier was on a mission in god-forsaken northern Russia. There was an oil baron living in that region who was believed to be a traitor to the state. 

He was supposed to go to the ballet one evening where Natasha would "take care of him," but he must have gotten wind of what was planned. Because he never showed up that night, a rumor starting up that the baron was "ill" and would not be well enough for a public appearance for some time. And by that time it would be too late, and Natasha would have missed her chance. 

But the baron's wife was silly and extravagant and had been planning a large party at their house for some time. And she simply couldn't stand the idea of not having it, no matter how sick her husband supposedly was. It was a large party held at their fortress-like home that vaguely resembled a castle, nestled up in the snowy hills at the back-end of nowhere. They had invited everyone and anyone, from visiting dignitaries of foreign countries to old moneyed friends and even titled Russian aristocrats. 

So the Winter Soldier was roused from his slumber, and Natasha was selected to go along with him as his "date." They posed as visitors from Germany. She as his wife, and he as someone with business interests similar to the baron's own. Needless to say, they did not fail. 

After that, they were frequently sent on missions together. The Red Room organized a marriage for Natasha to a man named Alexei who was a businessman up front and a secret agent like her behind closed doors. She went along with it, but she had already fallen in love with the mysterious man who was sent with her on missions across Europe. The trouble began when they started meeting outside of their regular work. Sneaking time to be together during a mission was more easily hidden than arranging to meet when both of them weren't otherwise occupied. 

Eventually they were found out - or rather Barnes was. Natasha figures that her continued existence is a testament to the fact that they never discovered her secret. 

But the Winter Soldier was put into cryo freeze. She heard vague whispers and rumors through the grapevine that he had started to act oddly. Almost as if he was becoming autonomous. Exerting his own will instead of his masters. And perpetually asking about some mysterious man with blond hair that he vaguely remembered from a prior mission.

So they were putting him into deep freeze until they could sort out the problem and erase him for a clean reset. 

Natasha's life went on, but something inside of her had changed. Her missions used to be a fun puzzle, a challenge to be solved and overcome. Now she looked forward to them with dread in her heart. Whatever stomach she once had for murder and lies was long gone. Perhaps whatever was wrong with the Winter Soldier had infected her too. 

When she ran into a man named Clint Barton and he bested her at her own game, pressing an arrow against her face, she closed her eyes and gave in to what she saw as the inevitable. Luckily, as she once told someone, "He made another call." 

After that she went to work for SHIELD. But she never forgot her time with the unnamed man in Russia. She wondered if he was still alive and if he had ever been broken out of cryo freeze again. She wondered if they had erased his memories of her or if he remembered her and wondered where she was. If he asked about her just like he asked about the blond man. And if he would ever find her again.

She supposes the answer to her question of whether or not he remembers her has now been answered. 

When he reverted to the Winter Soldier in Berlin, Natasha had jumped into the fray to fight him, hoping to protect the other people around her. Even Sharon Carter, who she can't help but be jealous of. She's the kind of girl who deserves Steve, Natasha thinks to herself. All that long blond hair gleaming in the sunlight, her straight rows of white teeth advertising her wholesome honesty. She's a normal enough girl, not crooked and broken like Natasha.

But regardless of her feelings for Sharon, Natasha knew that she had the best chance against the killing machine that was the Winter Soldier. As they say in America, this wasn't her first rodeo. But even though she bashed him repeatedly on the head trying to "recalibrate" him the same way she had done with Clint during the whole Loki debacle, his eyes had remained vacant and empty. Devoid of recognition for her. He had wrapped his hands around her neck, choking her. He left her gasping for air, his fingerprints feeling like they were embedded in her wind pipe.

And now him and Rogers are wanted fugitives. She really knows how to pick 'em.

A wave of nausea overcomes her and she clutches her stomach, willing her emotions to settle themselves just as T'Challa rounds a corner, waving at her. It must be time to go face the music. 

~

Hours later her and T'Challa rendezvous with Stark at the airport. Donning her gear, Natasha can't help but give several side glances to the newcomer.

"Is he.... dressed like a spider?" she can't help but ask. 

"What, like you have a trademark or something?" Stark retorts. He has a huge bruise on his face, probably from his throw down with Barnes. Better than a bullet-shaped hole in the forehead though.

"Spiders are really a universal theme, aren't they?" the newcomer's voice rings out tinny and high-pitched. Natasha raises an eyebrow. Just how young is this guy anyway? "Don't they speak to everyone?" No one responds but he keeps chattering away, completely undeterred by the resounding silence around him. "I mean spiders... they're just so cool." He starts humming along to some sort of music in his head. "Spins a web any size, catches thieves just like flies, watch out!" He strike a pose. "Here comes the Spiderman!"

Natasha looks over at Stark with a grimace. "He has his own theme music Tony." 

"And yours dresses like a giant cat, what's your point?" he shoots back. 

His short temper isn't a good sign she thinks, looking around herself. Is this really where they're going to make their final stand? At an airport? It just seems so utterly farcical and stupid. She isn't sure if she can really do this. If she can fight her friends, Wanda, Clint, Steve...

"So what's the plan here?" Natasha asks. 

Stark shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant and failing wildly. Natasha can tell that Steve's betrayal has wounded him. Add in the defiance of one Wanda Maximoff and you got one crushed billionaire-playboy-genius.

"Go easy on them," he says. "Especially the kid." He means Wanda even though he doesn't say her name out loud. "Just round them up so that we can get them to Ross. I gave Spiderman here directions to keep his distance and web them up after we put them down. I figure he can get Cap's shield first, that ought to take the wind out of his sails. Throw him off balance." 

"Seems like we could use more details," Natasha protests.

"There's no time," T'Challa's voice growls out. He appears as if by magic, jumping down from the top of a luggage truck where he was hiding. "They just appeared on the parking garage cameras." 

Most of the group blends into the back round, taking up their designated hiding places while Stark makes bad jokes to Steve about how you always run into people at airports. Steve confirms Natasha's suspicions about the doctor who interviewed Bucky. At the mention of the other winter soldiers, Natasha's heart begins to race. She knows now that she has to let Steve and Bucky escape. She's well aware of the existence of the other winter soldiers. And the plan this fake-doctor has put into play is starting to make a lot more sense.

He must have interviewed Barnes solely to get the location on the other soldiers. But that doesn't mean that Steve has to fight his way out, she could help him escape. They could work together.

"Steve," she pleads one last time, "You know what's about to happen. Do you really want to punch your way out of this one?"

Stark, overly arrogant idiot that he is, doesn't give him a chance to respond before trying to web him up.

Naturally, Clint responds by shooting an arrow straight through the web that binds Steve's hands together like they're in some sort of Braveheart movie. He always has been a sucker for dramatic moves.

Almost as soon as the fight starts, it begins to turn against them. "Team Iron Man" suffers from over confidence and a lack of knowledge about the abilities of the opponents they're facing. Fighting a shrinking man is pretty far outside of Natasha's normal realm of experience (if you can even qualify anything that they do as normal). But she manages to disable her opponent by shooting him out of her spider sting gauntlets. 

Halfway through both sides line up in a row, dramatically running at each like fools. Natasha can't help the words that fall from her mouth then, "This is gonna end well." She picks Clint as her opponent because she figures that she knows him the best, and that she can take him out without truly hurting him.

Wanda's attack utterly blindsides her, as she's thrown into the side of a metal luggage truck. She lays on the ground, clutching her stomach. That definitely hurt more than normal. Her back is aching and she feels queasy and not entirely herself. She worries that the bomb in Vienna did more damage than she realized. 

Still she makes her way to her feet, using the utter confusion of the battlefield to sneak away and hide herself in the hangar bay. After all, if she has one true skill, it's making herself invisible.

In the end, she helps Rogers and Barnes escape. Because how could she not?

~

Natasha often wonders what Rogers and Barnes talked about on their 17 hour trip to Russia. In her mind, it goes something like this: 

 **Barnes aka the Winter Soldier:** So what have you been up to all these years that you've been awake in the modern world 'eh?

 **Steve aka Cap:** Well it's kind of a funny story. I joined this group called the Avengers, led it sort of. And aliens fell out of the sky, and I fought a demigod named Loki. His brother Thor is cool though. Then Stark made a murderous robot that tried to kill us all. And after that, you're not going to believe this, but I met this girl, a beautiful redhead named Natasha, she drives me crazy...

 **Barnes aka the Winter Soldier:** ..... Oh boy.

Then again Barnes doesn't remember her anyway. 

She isn't part of the grand climactic battle between Rogers, Stark, and Barnes. She booked a flight out of America as soon as Stark warned her that T'Challa had told Ross about her betrayal. Instead she gets the run down second hand from Tony nearly a week later. She calls him from an encrypted line and listens to the whole story. How Steve was hiding the fact that Bucky had murdered his parents. How Barnes had clawed the arc reactor out of his body. And how Steve had dropped his shield and walked away, clutching Barnes to himself the entire way. He tells her that Rogers actually wrote him an apology letter and sent him a burner phone so that they can reach him.

"They," Stark says. He left a burner so "anyone" could reach him. Just so she knows they can get in touch with Steve if need be. it makes her wonder just how much Stark knows about her and Steve. She wouldn't put it past him to have creepy devices installed in Avengers HQ that recorded them every time that they... well hopefully not.

Strangely though it doesn't seem as if Stark is holding onto a resentment of Steve currently. Maybe for men beating each other half to death is sufficient enough to let go of old grudges. As for her, she has no plans to go back. Not ever. Stark talks about Rhodey, and she tells him to pass along her well wishes for a speedy recovery and her regrets that she isn't there to help. He mentions that T'Challa is mysteriously absent, having claimed that he has things he needs to take care of in Wakanda. Natasha knows that his father had enemies, and he needs to tend to any issues of civil unrest as quickly as possible. 

However she can't help but think that if she were going to go to ground and hide, Wakanda might be a great place to do it. She hopes their superior technology might be able to help Barnes. Living with only half of your memories is a hellish existence. She wonders what Rogers is up to. If he's helping Barnes. If he's in Wakanda at all. Or if he's out of this whole mess for good. If he thinks of her, wherever he is.

What will become of the Avengers now she can't say. But the nausea she's fighting every morning and the gradual tiny swelling of her stomach tells her that maybe she shouldn't worry about it so much.

Natasha presses a hand to her stomach and tells Tony goodbye. She hangs up the pay phone, and disappears into the crowd of people around her. Rio just seems like a good place to disappear for some reason. As she walks, the crowd swallows her up, and she becomes invisible. Her mouth splits into a slow, secret smile. Ultimately she just hopes that wherever Rogers winds up that he can find some happiness of his own.


End file.
